Feelings DetectiveNoticing and naming feelings

You need: Nothing, any ordinary moment

1. Watch for a clear body clue: a yawn, a big smile, a frown, a stamp.
2. Say the clue and the feeling together: “Yawn. You are tired.”
3. Pause and watch your child. They may nod, copy the word or just look at you.
4. Do this once or twice a day. Keep it short and warm.

“Big yawn. I think you are tired.”

You need: Two or three soft toys with no loose parts (stay close)

1. Sit on the floor with the toys.
2. Make one toy yawn and lie down. Say, “Tired.” Tuck it in.
3. Make another toy bounce and clap. Say, “Happy.”
4. Let your child choose a toy and show you a feeling. Name it back.

“Bunny is tired. Bunny needs a rest.”

You need: Nothing, just your voice

1. Pick a tune you both know well.
2. Put in your own words: “When I’m happy, I clap my hands. When I’m sad, I rub my eyes.”
3. Add the actions slowly. Pause so your child can join in.
4. Use it at tidy-up time or in the car to start a feeling chat.

“Happy, happy, clap, clap, clap. Sad, sad, rub, rub, rub.”

You need: Nothing, just space to move

1. Say, “Let us find the clues.” Ask your child to show you a happy body. Look together at the face, arms and feet.
2. Now an angry body. What does it do? Fists, a frown, stomping feet?
3. Try tired, scared and sad. Let your child lead and copy them.
4. Finish with a happy body and a hug or high five.

“You have such good clues. Your body tells me a lot.”

You need: Paper, a pencil and tape or a string

1. Draw a magnifying glass on a piece of paper and cut it out, or let your child tear it.
2. Stick it on a shirt or wear it round the neck.
3. Say, “Detective, what feelings can you spot today?” Walk through a room or the playground.
4. Notice clues in people, pictures or toys and name the feelings together.

“Detective, what clue did you find?”

You need: Nothing

1. Say, “I am thinking of a feeling. Guess it!”
2. Show it with your face and body only, with no words.
3. Your child guesses from the Five Feelings. Say “Yes!” or “Nearly, look at my eyebrows.”
4. Swap. Your child shows, and you guess, sometimes wrongly on purpose.

“You are such a good detective. I knew you would spot it.”

You need: Paper and a pencil

1. Make up a case: “A boy walked into school and would not look at anyone.”
2. Write three clues together: head down, quiet, kicks the wall.
3. List two or three feelings it might be. Ask what else you would need to know.
4. Decide one kind thing a good detective could do next.

“A detective does not decide too fast. A detective asks.”

You need: A big piece of paper and pens

1. Draw the outline of a body, or trace your child.
2. Pick a feeling. Ask, “Where do you notice it in your body?”
3. Mark the places with a colour for that feeling and add words if you like.
4. Make a second map for another feeling. Compare them.

“Where does angry live in your body? Where does scared live?”

You need: Nothing, or slips of paper

1. Write or say a situation: “Dropping your ice cream”, “Winning a race”.
2. One person acts it out without words or sounds.
3. Everyone guesses which of the Five Feelings the acting shows.
4. Talk about the clues that gave it away.

“What was the clue that told you?”

You need: Paper and a pen

1. Draw a wavy line across the page. Above it write what people could see in a situation, such as slamming a door.
2. Below it write what might be going on inside: feelings, thoughts and needs. Make a list.
3. Pick one situation from your own week, or a made-up one.
4. Decide what the person might need, and what could help.

“What shows on the surface is only a part. What might be underneath?”

You need: Paper, or a notes app

1. Start with one of the Five Feelings, such as angry.
2. Write other words that live close to it: annoyed, hurt, jealous, fed up, unfair.
3. Think of a real moment and try each word. Which fits best?
4. Notice that a better word can change what you need to do.

“Is it the same as before, or is it a different shade?”

You need: A small notebook and a pen

1. Choose three moments in your day: morning, school or work time, evening.
2. For each, write one body clue and one of the Five Feelings.
3. Add a note of what you needed or what helped.
4. After three days, look for a pattern. Choose one small change.

“What does your own case file tell you?”

You need: A notes app or a notebook

1. Once a day, write three lines: what my body is telling me, which of the Five Feelings fits best, and what I need right now.
2. Keep it private. Nobody has to read it.
3. After a week, read it back. What do you notice?
4. Decide on one small thing you can do when a certain feeling shows up.

“I am not trying to fix anything. I am only noticing.”

You need: A phone or paper, with a few made-up messages

1. Write four short messages that could be read in more than one way, such as “fine.” or “ok whatever”.
2. For each, list three feelings the sender might have.
3. Talk about what you could ask before you assume: “Is something up?”
4. Choose one way of checking in that feels like you.

“I could be wrong. Can I ask?”

You need: Nothing, or a pen

1. Think of a recent moment when a feeling led to a choice you were not proud of.
2. Replay it slowly. What clues were in your body before it happened?
3. Name the feeling and the need. Where could a pause have gone?
4. Plan what you would like to do next time. Practise saying it once.

“There was a clue. Next time I can catch it.”