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Heart Superpowers / Helpful Thinking

Growth Mindset

Helpful ThinkingKind and useful thoughts

Helpful thinking means noticing our thoughts and choosing ones that are kind and useful, while every feeling stays welcome.

Jump to an age:Baby Hearts 1–3Little Hearts 3–5Growing Hearts 5–8Strong Hearts 8–12Brave Hearts 12–16
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  • 5age bands
  • 15activities
  • 6games to play
  • 12flashcards
  • 3worksheets
In kid words

What is helpful thinking?

Helpful thinking means noticing what you tell yourself in your head. You can choose thoughts that are kind and that help you. All your feelings are still okay, even the hard ones.

For grown-ups

Helpful thinking is HeartWise’s version of positive thinking. It is not about forcing happy thoughts or pretending a hard thing is fine. It has three simple parts. First, notice: what am I telling myself right now? Second, balance: what is hard, and what can I do? Third, choose: is there a kinder or more useful way to say this to myself, as I would to a good friend? A helpful thought is true enough to believe and gentle enough to hear. It does not push a feeling away. Children can feel sad, angry or scared and still choose a thought that helps them take the next step. Adults go first: we can say our own thoughts out loud and show how we reframe them.

It is not forcing happy thoughts. We can say, “This is hard,” and mean it. Feelings are not wrong, and no zone is wrong: all zones are okay.

It is not ignoring problems or telling yourself everything is perfect. It is looking at the whole picture, including what you can do.

It is not a way to tell children off for how they feel. Nobody has to cheer up on command. We listen first, then we wonder about helpful thoughts together.

Why it matters

Small moments, big difference

Our words shape our next step

What we tell ourselves can make a hard moment feel heavier or lighter. A kinder, more useful thought can make it easier to take the next small step.

It makes room for every feeling

Helpful thinking does not need a feeling to go away. A child can feel sad and still say, “I can ask for help,” and both are true.

It teaches children to be on their own side

When children practise talking to themselves like a good friend, they carry a kind voice with them to school, to games and into the teenage years.

Kind things to say

  • What are you telling yourself right now?
  • That sounds really hard. What is something you can do?
  • What would you say to a good friend who felt this way?
  • It is okay to feel that. And is there another way to see it?
  • Is that thought helping you, or making it harder?
  • Thank you for telling me what is going on in your head.
Teach it by age

The same idea, at every age

Choose an age. Every activity needs almost nothing, and you can start tomorrow.

Baby Hearts ages 1–3 · The first three years

Adults and toddlers together. No screens needed.

What it looks like. Toddlers do not have thought-words in the way older children do, but they are listening to how we talk. They hear our voices when things go wrong: gentle or harsh, hopeful or tense. When you speak kindly about hard moments, including your own, you give them a calm sound to grow into.

Ways to help

  • Talk to yourself kindly out loud in small moments: “Oh, I spilled it. That is okay. I will wipe it up.”
  • When your toddler struggles, name the feeling and add a hopeful, true line: “You are cross. It is hard. We can try again.”
  • Use a gentle, steady voice when things go wrong. Your tone is the lesson.
  • Sing or say a short comforting phrase you can repeat, such as “Oops, we can fix it.”

Try it

Oops and okay5 min

You need: A soft toy and a cloth or tissue

  1. Let the toy ‘spill’ a pretend drink, using a cloth or a tissue.
  2. Say, in a gentle voice, “Oops!” then, “That is okay. We can wipe it up.”
  3. Let your toddler pat or wipe, and say, “You helped.”
  4. Repeat once, and smile together.

“Oops. That is okay. We can fix it.”

Kind voice, cross voice5 min

You need: Two soft toys

  1. Let one toy try to build something and fail.
  2. Use a grumpy voice for one toy: “Oh no, I am rubbish.” Then pause and let the other toy answer softly, “Let us try again.”
  3. Give the toy a hug, and say, “That felt better.”
  4. Ask your toddler if the toy would like a cuddle, and follow their lead.

“That was hard. Let us try again, gently.”

Hug and hum5 min

You need: Nothing

  1. Next time your toddler is upset, sit close and hum a slow tune.
  2. Name what you see: “You are sad.”
  3. When they are calmer, add one hopeful word: “Hug. Better.”
  4. Return to play together when they are ready.

“You are sad. I am here. It will feel better soon.”

Little Hearts ages 3–5 · Preschool and nursery

Play, puppets, stories and short games.

What it looks like. Preschoolers talk to themselves out loud, so you can hear their thoughts. “I’m silly,” or “Nobody likes me,” can slip out when things go wrong. They copy the self-talk they hear. They love simple, playful ways to change it, such as a puppet that says the kind thing or a magic word.

Ways to help

  • Listen to their self-talk and answer gently: “You said you are silly. I think you are learning.”
  • Give them short, kind phrases to try: “I can try,” “I can ask for help,” “It is okay to feel cross.”
  • Notice and say out loud what you tell yourself: “I feel cross. I will take a breath and try again.”
  • Never insist on a happy thought. Start with the feeling: “You look sad. Do you want a cuddle?”

Try it

Kind-voice puppet10 min

You need: A sock puppet or soft toy

  1. Let the puppet say a mean thing about itself, such as, “I can’t do it. I am no good.”
  2. Ask your child, “What could we say to the puppet? What would a good friend say?”
  3. Help your child give the puppet a kind sentence: “You can try again.”
  4. Let the puppet say thank you, and finish with a puppet hug.

“What would a good friend say to the puppet?”

Thought bubbles10 min

You need: Paper and a crayon

  1. Draw a person and a thought bubble above their head.
  2. Say, “This person is thinking, ‘I will never do it.’ Let us draw what else they could think.”
  3. Draw a second bubble with a kinder idea, such as, “I can try again.”
  4. Pick one bubble to remember today.

“Which thought helps? Let us pick that one.”

Hard and can10 min

You need: Your two hands

  1. Hold out your left hand and say, “This is hard,” about something small, such as tying a shoe.
  2. Hold out your right hand and say, “Here is what I can do,” such as, “I can ask for help.”
  3. Bring your hands together, fingers touching.
  4. Let your child choose their own hard and can.

“What is hard? What can you do?”

Growing Hearts ages 5–8 · The early primary years

Stories, games and real classroom moments.

What it looks like. Children aged five to eight understand that they have thoughts and can say them. They may say things like, “I always get it wrong,” or “Nobody wants to play with me,” when they feel upset. They often believe their thoughts completely. This is a good age to teach that thoughts are like clouds or messages: we can look at them and decide what to do with them.

Ways to help

  • Teach, “A thought is not always a fact.” Ask, “Is that always true? Is that just now?”
  • Practise, “What would I say to a friend?” and then, “Can I say it to myself?”
  • Use balanced sentences with ‘and’ or ‘but’: “This is hard, and I can ask for help.”
  • Praise honest feelings first, and then the helpful thinking. Never force a smile.

Try it

Thought detective10 min

You need: Paper and a pencil

  1. Write a thought children sometimes say, such as, “I always lose.”
  2. Be detectives and ask, “Is it always true? When did it not happen?”
  3. Write a kinder, more useful thought together: “I lost this time. I can practise.”
  4. Say both thoughts aloud and notice which feels more helpful.

“Is that thought always true? What is another way to see it?”

Hard and can, balanced10 min

You need: Paper, pencil

  1. Fold a page in half. Write “What is hard” on one side and “What I can do” on the other.
  2. Choose a small problem, such as falling out with a friend or a tricky homework task.
  3. Fill in both sides, with at least one thing on each.
  4. Read it aloud and say, “Both sides are true.”

“What is hard? And what can I do?”

Good friend voice10 min

You need: Pairs

  1. One child shares a small worry: “I am not good at drawing.”
  2. The partner says what a good friend would say, in a kind voice.
  3. Swap roles. Then talk about how the kind words felt.
  4. Each person chooses one kind sentence to say to themselves today.

“What would a good friend say? Can you say it to yourself?”

Strong Hearts ages 8–12 · The middle years

Discussion, fairness and friendship.

What it looks like. Between eight and twelve, thoughts become more private and more powerful. Children compare themselves with others, worry about fitting in and can be hard on themselves. They can understand that thoughts are not always facts, and they enjoy noticing patterns. They respond well to being treated as capable detectives of their own minds, with no lectures or cheer-up speeches.

Ways to help

  • Ask, “What are you telling yourself about this?” and listen without correcting.
  • Teach ‘catch, check, change’: catch the thought, check how true and helpful it is, change it if you want to.
  • Normalise all feelings: “It makes sense that you feel that way. And is there another way to see it?”
  • Talk about the voice we use with ourselves and where it comes from, without blaming anyone.

Try it

Catch, check, change15 min

You need: Paper and pens

  1. Write a thought you have had this week, such as, “Everyone is better than me.”
  2. Check it: Is it always true? What would a friend say? What is the evidence for and against?
  3. Write a more balanced thought: “Some people are better at some things, and I am improving.”
  4. Rate how each one feels, and keep the one that is true and helpful.

“Is this thought true? Is it helpful? What is another way to say it?”

Say it like a friend15 min

You need: Paper and pens

  1. Write something harsh you sometimes say to yourself, for example after a mistake.
  2. Imagine a friend said it about themselves. What would you say to them?
  3. Rewrite the sentence in that friendly voice.
  4. Try saying the new version aloud or in your head next time it happens.

“What would I say to a friend in this situation?”

The hard–can scale15 min

You need: A piece of paper and a pen

  1. Draw a line with ‘hard’ at one end and ‘I can do something’ at the other.
  2. Think of a current challenge. Mark where it sits at the moment.
  3. Write three things you can do that could move you one step along the line.
  4. Pick one and do it today.

“What is hard? What is one thing I can do?”

Brave Hearts ages 12–16 · The teenage years

Real questions, real life, real choices.

What it looks like. Teenagers have loud inner voices, shaped by school, friends and social media. They may be quick to judge themselves, and they often resist forced positivity because they can feel when it is fake. They respond to honesty. Helpful thinking works best when it takes hard things seriously and gives them real choice about how they talk to themselves.

Ways to help

  • Listen first. Avoid ‘look on the bright side’. Say, “That sounds really tough,” and wait.
  • Offer helpful thinking as an option, not an order: “Would it help to look at this another way?”
  • Talk about what the media and social feeds tell us about ourselves, and how we can choose what we believe.
  • Share your own helpful thoughts honestly, including when they do not come easily.

Try it

Evidence for and against20 min

You need: Paper and pens

  1. Write down a thought that keeps coming back, such as, “I will fail this.”
  2. Make two columns: what supports the thought, and what does not.
  3. Look at the lists and write a thought that fits both columns.
  4. Say how it feels to read the new thought, and keep it if it helps.

“What are the facts? What is a thought that fits them?”

My inner voice audit20 min

You need: Paper and pens, or a notes app

  1. For a day, write down three things you said to yourself that stood out, good or hard.
  2. Next to each, note the situation and how it felt.
  3. Circle the ones you would not say to a friend, and rewrite them.
  4. Choose one new sentence to practise this week.

“Is this the voice I want to hear when things go wrong?”

Hard, true, useful15 min

You need: Pairs, paper

  1. Share a situation that is hard right now.
  2. Together, write three lines: what is hard, what is true, what could be useful.
  3. Notice how all three can sit side by side.
  4. Choose one useful action and a time to do it.

“What is hard, what is true, what could be useful?”

Play

Try it on screen

Practise it, play it, even build your own. For children with a grown-up, or on their own. Nothing is saved or sent.

The games need JavaScript. The questions and cards below work without it.

Flashcards

Twelve cards to flip and share

Flip them on screen, or print the pack and cut them out.

See all twelve cards as a list
  • What is helpful thinking?Noticing your thoughts and choosing ones that are kind and useful.
  • Is helpful thinking the same as only thinking happy thoughts?No. All feelings are okay. Helpful thinking looks at what is hard and what you can do.
  • Three steps of helpful thinkingNotice. Balance. Choose.
  • Say it kindly to yourself: you made a mistake.“That did not go as I hoped. I can learn from it.”
  • What would a good friend say?Something kind and true. Try saying it to yourself.
  • A thought is……not always a fact. We can look at it and decide.
  • “I always get it wrong.” Is it always true?Look for a time you got it right. Try: “I got this one wrong.”
  • What is hard? What can I do?Say both. “This is hard, and I can ask for help.”
  • A friend says, “I’m useless.” What could you say?“I hear you. That sounds really hard. I do not think you are useless. Shall we look at it together?”
  • Can you feel sad and think a helpful thought?Yes. Feelings and thoughts can sit side by side.
  • Who goes first at home and at school?Adults. We can say our own helpful thoughts out loud.
  • Try this todayCatch one hard thought and ask, “What would I say to a friend?”

Download the printable pack (PDF)

Worksheets

Three to fill in, on screen or on paper

Type, tick, circle and draw here, then print the page, or download the pack. Nothing is saved or sent.

Growing Hearts · ages 5–8

Hard and can

Some things are hard, and we can do something about them. Let us practise saying both.

1. Think of something that feels hard. How do you feel? Circle one.

4. Draw a thought bubble with a kind thought a good friend would say to you.

5. Tick the kind things you could do for yourself.
My name: ____________heartwise.world · HeartWise
Strong Hearts · ages 8–12

Catch, check, change

Thoughts come quickly. We can catch one, check it and choose how to treat it.

4. Tick what helps you most when a thought feels heavy.
5. How do you feel when you read your new thought? Circle one.
My name: ____________heartwise.world · HeartWise
Brave Hearts · ages 12–16

My inner voice

An honest look at how you talk to yourself, and a plan to be on your own side.

4. Tick what you could do when a hard thought shows up.
My name: ____________heartwise.world · HeartWise
Talk about it

Questions for the table, the car and circle time

Press the button for a question to talk about.

See all ten questions as a list
  1. What do you say to yourself when something goes wrong?
  2. What would you say to a good friend who felt that way?
  3. Can a thought feel true and still not be true? Can you think of an example?
  4. What is the difference between being kind to yourself and pretending everything is fine?
  5. Is there a hard thought you have noticed lately? What might be another way to see it?
  6. Who in your life talks to themselves in a kind way? How can you tell?
  7. How do you want to be spoken to when you make a mistake?
  8. What helps you when a feeling is big and a thought is heavy?
  9. Can you feel sad and still have a helpful thought? What might that look like?
  10. What kind sentence would you like to carry with you this week?
For teachers

In the classroom

  • Go first. Say your own thoughts aloud in small moments: “That did not go as planned. I will try a different way.”
  • Always start with the feeling: “It makes sense you are upset.” Offer a helpful thought as a question, not an order.
  • Use balanced sentences in class: “This is hard, and we can work on it together.”
  • Treat mistakes, yours and theirs, with a kind voice, and let children hear how you talk to yourself.
  • Never force a smile or tell a child to cheer up. Make room for all zones: all zones are okay.

A ten-minute circle: Talking to ourselves like a good friend

  1. Sit in a circle. Take three slow breaths together.
  2. Ask, “What is something that can feel hard at school?” Collect two or three ideas.
  3. Ask, “What would a good friend say to someone feeling that?” Share sentences.
  4. Pass a soft object. Each child can say one kind sentence they could say to themselves, or pass.
  5. Close by saying, “We can be on our own side,” together.
For families

At home

  • Say your own thoughts aloud in small moments, and show how you change them: “I am frustrated. I will take a breath and try again.”
  • When your child is upset, listen first. Ask, “Would you like to hear another way to look at it?” only when they are ready.
  • Avoid ‘cheer up’ and ‘it is not that bad’. Try, “That sounds hard. I am here.”
  • Notice when your child is kind to themselves, and tell them what you heard.

Around the table

  • What was a hard moment today, and what did you tell yourself?
  • What would you say to a friend who had that moment?
  • What is one thing that was hard and one thing you could do about it?
  • Is there a sentence you could use to be kind to yourself tomorrow?
  • What made you feel proud of yourself this week?
Go deeper

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Questions

Good questions

Isn’t this just telling children to think positive?

No. Helpful thinking starts with the feeling and takes the hard thing seriously. It then asks whether there is a kinder, more useful thought, and it is always the child’s choice.

What if my child’s thoughts are very harsh or very sad most of the time?

Listen with care and let them know they are not alone. If you are worried, speak with a trusted professional, such as your child’s doctor or a school counsellor.

What if I cannot find a helpful thought?

That is okay. Sometimes the most helpful thing is to rest, talk to someone or just wait. A helpful thought can come later.

Do I have to be positive all the time to teach this?

No. Children learn from honest adults. Let them hear you feel something, say a kind thing to yourself and take a step. That is helpful thinking.

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Using these files

These files are free to print and photocopy for your own home, classroom or team, and to use with the children and colleagues you teach or work with. Please share the link to this page rather than the files themselves. Please do not sell the files, change them, or remove the HeartWise name and credit.

© Yasmin Mubarak, HeartWise. Published by Polaricx Education Ecosystem. Want to use them more widely, for example in a training or a publication? Write to hello@heartwise.world.